The A-Rod Saga

Other than the Mitchell Report and the ties that various former Dodgers have had to steroids, that is really the only relevance the Dodgers have to the following words of pure genius you are about to consume. I have no desire to hear about A-Roid or any other Yankee for that matter. I hate the Yankees, I hate the East Coast bias that gets shoved down my throat every time I tune into the ESPN mediums of communication, and I hate A-Rod. Frankly, I purposely try to avoid any article that has anything at all to do with A-Rod, the Yankees, the Red Sox, or any other self indulgent dribble that they media moguls in Bristol might subject me to, yet for some reason, today I read an A-Rod article... about steroids of all things... another subject in which I wage a daily quest to avoid, and I could not be happier I read the article. It may have made my year, until I get married later this year... that may be only slightly more exciting... maybe. The fact that the Yankees have been as bad as I could have ever hoped for, the most ridiculous contracts totaling over half a billion dollars, and that is only C.C., Tex, and A-Rod. I am sent in a most wonderful land of jubilee every time Chien Ming Wang takes the mound and when Nick Swisher is by far their most exciting player, I could not be happier with the state of that franchise, coupled by the tyrade that Jack-O went on in his recent podcast in the B.S. Report, I love it, DIEHARD Yankee fans... are dying hard and turning on their team.




Let me explain something about myself that you may not know, I am not nor have I ever been someone who is ever surprised by the self edifying sins of man. I am not surprised by any name that comes out as a steroid or former steroid user. During that era the practice was widespread and probably still is, cheaters are always trying to stay one step ahead of Johnny Law and now the P.E.D.s are harder to detect, that's all. Of course, I respect the players who were legit and never had to resort to shady back alley drug deals so they could compete, the Greg Madduxes, Ken Griffey Jr.s, Hank Aarons, Cal Ripken Jr.s, Nolan Ryans, and Pete Roses. These guys played the game right, and played for the love of the game, and they played every game like they were happy to be there. They respected the game. Before you freak out and tell me Pete Rose disrespected the game, save it, he gambled on the game, so what. He played his more passion than perhaps any player every and deserves 100% to be in the Hall, he ran catchers down in All-Star games, why? Because that is how you play the game. He didn't care that it was an exhibition game, it was his life. He IS Charlie Hustle, the anti- J.D. Drew.



So the purpose of this exercise, steroids... eh ... whatever, the whole era was tainted so if A-Rod was as bad as everyone else, spare him the crucifiction, but if the allegations about pitch tipping are true, get the tar and feathers and let's send this guy to be drawn and quartered. You may think betting on your team in professional baseball is wrong... I disagree... but if you willingly tell the other team what is coming next, how could this not be punishable by banishment from the league. This goes against everything that is sports and competition, baseball is a metaphor for llife, and this is no different. If I sold trade secrets to another company and my current employer found out, I would be fired, possibly have charges brought against me, both civil and criminal, and never be able to show my face in that industry again. Yet if I say, purchased stock in my own company... uh hmmm... especially in this economy, explain to me how that is not gambling on my own team, I would be considered a man making an investment. Explain to me now, how Pete Rose is bannished from baseball, yet Alexis, is still allowed to show up every day and not only that, gets paid more than anyone else in his respective industry.



Now if you will, relax and enjoy the ever so sweet taste of justice as served up by those same peers and teammates who were betrayed whenn A-Roid tipped hitters and cheated the game of baseball far beyond that of any steroid abuser.



If you are not sitting down (which would be really wierd since you are reading this on a computer) do so now. I am sure some maybe all of you have read the "breaking news" on ESPN (every time A-Rod farts it is breaking news, not to mention kisses himself in the mirror and says, "Mirror, mirror on the wall... damn you're fine, wanna screw?") it has been reported that back in 2005 when Alexis came into camp with a few extra lbs after the offseason, coupled with the side effects of steroids, (which if you did not know about them, consider yourself informed upon completion of this read) his uh... chest area was... hmm... let's say a little saggy. So what, I mean guys always come in to spring training out of shape, well doesn't matter, this is A-Rod and nobody likes him, so what happened... teammates were calling him.... wait for it.... BITCH TITS!!!! Arguably the best player in baseball at the time and his teammates called him BITCH TITS!!! I read this and almost fell off the couch, I was cackling like a wild hyena. Seriously, this is unfathomable to me. His skill level as one of the best offensive producers EVER, is so overpowered by his level of wierdness and douchey-ness (new word) that his collegues openly referred to him as BITCH TITS. I am still laughing by the way, every time I write it, I laugh. Unbelievable!




Now kids, let this be a lesson. Do Not Use Steroids. You may produce some of the finest numbers the game has ever seen and these numbers include your contract and bank account, but at the end of the day you can be the best of all time and still, your "friends", collegues and peers will refer to you as Bitch Tits. Without the roids you would not have the money or the fame, but you also would not have the C-cups, and to top it off you WOULD HAVE your respect and dignity. When at last we shed this mortal coil, the only thing that matters about the man is his character, kids, don't let one of those characteristics be BITCH TITS. And you can put that in your syringe and stick it in your derriere.